I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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