before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
