Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I love having hate sex.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
