I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
