As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
