Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
