whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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