Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
