So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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