Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
