Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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