I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
