It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
