He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
