Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
