Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Houston, we have a blender
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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