it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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