One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
