Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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