He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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