Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
