im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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