Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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