Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i've created a new STD.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
