Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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