Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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