You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
