Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
whose parrot is this?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
