I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
