You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
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I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
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The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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