when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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