So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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