Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The power of my boobs compel you
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
