Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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