He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
