Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
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In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
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Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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