Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
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4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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