I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
