I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
