finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
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I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
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My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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