very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
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I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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