She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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