we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
