Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
