Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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