It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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