You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
