i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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