just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
