grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
