as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
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Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
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I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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