4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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