Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
