It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
