Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
