what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
