I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
