I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
