My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
worst night to have a conscience
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
