Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
