im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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