I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
