You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
