So many bounce houses so little time
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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