Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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