Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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