I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
