Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
