i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize