it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
