gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
