Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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