I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
